It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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