I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
