i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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