saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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