forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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