Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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