u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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