Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
