Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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