Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
