sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
