This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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