she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
