I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
