They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So many bounce houses so little time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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