Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
