You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm passing your future prison.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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