White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
even my farts smell like vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm just crazy horny about you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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