so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
