So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
