HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
