Kiss
Puke
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
