That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
