good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
