I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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