I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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