He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
