I will die if light touches me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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