You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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