Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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