my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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