i think my tv is drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
