go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
