eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
