Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
