Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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