All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My bed smells like the plague
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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