careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
