Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
