i just google imaged poop.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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