STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
