These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
