In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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