ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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