and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
