Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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