me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
