Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
