I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
