Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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