guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
