just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
