The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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