You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
