You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
