yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
