I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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