I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
