Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
