Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
