never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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