The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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