She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
