I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
