Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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