Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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