i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
